Journey

Within Me

mamachristy — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 21:39:55 +0000

Upon my heart lies a dew of pain,

My being cold and numb,

Storming loneliness unheeded,

The raging will not succumb…

Transcending dew to raindrops,

Through the windows of my soul,

Solemn blanket sweeps right over,

I’m not treasured, not a whole…

An endless aspiration,

A dream beyond my sleep,

A memory of a love forsaken,

Not for me to keep…

I feel my heart awakened,

But it’s only by a fear,

A broken heart is enveloped,

But within a silent tear…

Pain so deeply resonates,

Filling up inside,

Feelings of insecurity,

I run away to hide…

My heart is pierced and wounded,

From words and deeds unknown,

I feel desolate and frightened,

In my world, I am alone…

When will I find refuge?

When will I feel whole?

When will I find peace?

Will it ever heal my soul?

I can’t escape these demons,

They wish to break my heart,

A relentless sensation,

Slowly tearing me apart…

A wound inflicted on my soul,

Only I can really see,

And yet it bleeds an ocean,

Created by the crying within me.

Reflection

mamachristy — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 04:33:18 +0000

I could bottle up my silent tears,

Use them to wash away your pain,

I see that facade, that mask you wear,

False, shiny, electrifying energy you radiate,

But I can read you like that book I have studied 100 times,

You’re vulnerable, shakeable, you have been broken,

I am a reflection of your suffering,

A mirror image of your defeat,

My dreams and goals were in the clouds,

I have been left counting my losses, too,

The only difference between your heart and mine.

I still feel the loss of you.

Sublime

mamachristy — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 04:31:43 +0000

After the lonely hours and empty nights,

A welcome mat were those city lights,

Why be content with those small town dreams?

Is it all really the same as it seems?

The music and the lights,

All of these tempting sights,

You’re still at the five and dime,

In retrospect, you were sublime…

I thought you would get ahead,

The mediocrity you would shed,

You would be a turtle out of a shell,

Gripping stories you planned to tell,

You still hang out at the same places,

You still surround yourself with familiar faces,

Why did you give up on your dream?

Are you really the way that you seem?

My Addiction

mamachristy — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 20:12:58 +0000

Always the same scar, but a new wound forms,

Emotional flesh is so easily torn,

Haunting thoughts rush back so quickly,

They feel sharp and quick.

I said I wouldn’t go back,

Back to that chilling place,

But it was an afterthought,

I failed to heed my own warning.

Overcome by the undying love and desperation,

Oh, how I have missed you!

How easily I forget how you left me,

I fail to exist without you.

Relief and joy as I awaken,

Visions of my former self,

They still dance in my head,

But for today, I taste freedom.

Untouchable

mamachristy — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 05:18:10 +0000

The night lingers on for an eternity,

Silence and soothing in sweet isolation,

You keep your heart untouchable and safe,

You keep it completely locked, dead bolted…

Now, I can’t reach you,

You don’t acknowledge my pain,

There is a chasm that cannot be bridged,

Trust and respect, faded with the sunset…

I can still remember the ideas and promises,

We were in an emotional turbulence,

It was an all out natural high,

But when it was over, I hit rock bottom…

The night lingers on for an eternity,

Silence and soothing in sweet isolation,

I keep my heart untouchable and safe.

I keep it completely locked, dead bolted…

Recapture

mamachristy — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 02:52:31 +0000

Thoughts fly back to times when things were safe,

I fell down, but you helped me up when I skinned my knee,

We laughed when you danced with those sparkly shoes,

You cried when I told you I had to go to school.

I would do anything to recapture that innocence,

Bottle it up and keep it close to my heart,

Because I can’t seem to remember where that started,

But I know that it started with childhood and hope.

When we were young and just dreaming,

We believed in fairy tales and magical places,

I found out the fairy tale can fracture,

The magical place can actually be quite deceptive.

My thoughts are now on things that don’t seem safe,

I fell down and really skinned my soul,

Do you still have those sparkly shoes?

I cried because you had to leave me behind.

Withering

mamachristy — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 02:51:10 +0000

I will sacrifice my safety,

Only to know that you are safe and protected,

Trade the place I lay my head,

For one small, fleeting moment with you,

That crazy wild that you own,

Like watching sparklers in July,

I know your soul can’t be tamed,

You brought me a natural high,

When the cards are laid out on the table,

You don’t need me to keep you safe,

I need you to keep my heart from withering away.

Cheerleader

mamachristy — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 02:45:15 +0000

I am glad that I touched your heart

because that was precisely what I wanted.

Even though I dreamed of holding your hand,

Caressing your face, and intoxicating laughter,

Your heart was my true mark.

I can clearly see the irony,

Naively thinking I held you captive,

But you had the stronghold on me,

You were strongest in the spotlight,

But I had to silently be strong,

I willingly stepped into the shadows…

Let you become their holy hero.

You left me with a super-sized gap in my heart.

If you need me, I am still on the sidelines.

I am the one cheering loudly for you.

Time

mamachristy — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 04:55:32 +0000

Lives intertwined if only for a short time,
Souls always felt like old friends,

Traveling to unknown places,
I have pushed my limits,

I was drawn to the depths,
Stuck one foot in to test the water,

Trying to once again capture,
The feeling I had with you,

Finally, we meet again,
Different yet the same,

You have tested waters, too,
Your way was diving in,

The feeling of you returned,
This time somewhat different,

Time has tested us if only for a short time,
Souls always felt like old friends.

Butterfly

mamachristy — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 19:33:40 +0000

Beautiful and new,

Arisen from the sleep,

Swirling abyss of color,

Imprinted on her wings,

New life is promised,

A change from the former life,

Fanning wings of beauty,

Freedom from the shell,

She would take flight if she could,

But the cage holds her still.